You Don't Have to Pretend to Be "The CEO"
or "the armor we wear on for other people."
I just got off a call with a CEO I coach, and we ended up talking about something I’ve felt myself, and have seen in so many others. The act. The armor. The version of the job we think we’re supposed to play.
Especially for first-time or CEOs earlier in their careers, there’s this pressure to show up a certain way. Confident. Polished. Driven. Certain. Like you’re in full control at all times. It makes sense. There’s a lot on the line, and people are looking to you for answers. But I’m not sure that kind of performance really works. Not for long.
It’s exhausting. It creates distance. And in some ways, it makes it harder to actually lead.
I’ve been a CEO three times. It wasn’t until the third time that I truly started showing up as myself. I stopped pretending to have all the answers. I said the hard things. I admitted what I didn’t know. I tried to build a team and systems that made space for the stuff I wasn’t great at.
It didn’t always feel natural. But over time, it felt like the only way to keep going.
In my coaching work, I try to help people lead from that place. I don’t believe in fixing anyone. Most CEOs don’t need fixing. They need space to see who they are, and permission to lead like that. I’ve seen it work. I’ve felt it myself. And when it clicks, it can be powerful.
Being authentic doesn’t mean over-sharing. It doesn’t mean being emotional all the time. It means telling the truth. About what’s happening. About what’s hard. About what’s not working. About what’s real.
It can sound like:
I don’t know the answer. What do you think?
We’re stuck here, and I’d love your input.
This is harder than I expected.
I’m worried about how this is landing.
I need help.
Saying these things can feel risky. Like you’ll lose credibility. Like people will think you’re not up for the job. But in my experience, the opposite is usually true. People already sense the truth. What builds trust is being the one willing to say it out loud.
I don’t always get this right. I still catch myself defaulting to the act or “how I’m supposed to show up.” But I spot it faster now. And I know what it feels like when I’m leading as me.
If you want to try this, start small.
Find one moment this week where you feel that instinct to perform. Where you feel yourself gearing up to sound confident or certain or “in control.” Instead, pause. Take a breath. Don’t react right away.
Ask yourself: What am I really thinking? What do I actually want to say?
Start by saying that.
Not the version that sounds polished or strategic. Just the true part.
It might feel uncomfortable. It might feel like a risk. But it might also feel like relief.
If this landed with you, I’d love to hear what’s resonating. Hit reply or drop a comment. And if you know a CEO who needs to read this, feel free to pass it on.
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