I used to think the hardest part of a career reset was picking the next title. It isn’t. The hard part is actually choosing yourself and then acting like it every day.
Sue Heilbronner told me a story I didn’t expect. She won “employee of the year” and four months later got the Sunday night note no one wants to see: “I’ve lost confidence in you as a leader.” That line will ring in your ears. It did in hers. The next morning she packed the box and left.
That’s not the lesson. The lesson is what she decided next. She didn’t send a hundred résumés. She didn’t chase the same job at a different logo. She chose not to take a “real job” again.
Most people never give themselves that choice. They tell a tidy story about market timing, bosses, or investors. The truth is simpler. Your work only compounds when it lines up with what lights you up. That’s the stuff you’d do without a calendar hold. For Sue it was real conversation, direct feedback, and helping people grow. For me it’s the same. When I’m doing that, it feels like cheating. That feeling is data.
Sue had help. A friend called her out for complaining without changing. A forum of leaders flew to Boulder and spent two days designing a business around her strengths. That part matters. If you want to make a leap, get in rooms where people expect you to do the thing you say you want to do.
Then she did something small and important. She started charging for those “pick your brain” coffees. Ninety-five bucks at first. Not because it would pay the mortgage, but because it turned time into a choice. That choice reinforced the identity. Identity drives behavior. Behavior creates results.
That decision set her on the path that became her new book, Never Ask for the Sale, out now wherever you buy your books. It’s not a hype-manifesto. It’s a practical playbook for founders, solopreneurs, and anyone trying to grow a business without feeling like a fraud.
Her concept of passionate ambivalence is worth underlining: be fully committed to what you’re building and relaxed about who joins you. Tell the truth about the train you’re driving and invite people on board. If it’s right for them, great. If not, also great. That posture is magnetic because it reads as honest. People buy conviction.
I believe in this book so much that I’ll buy a copy for the first 10 people who comment on this post or my LinkedIn post. No strings, just my way of giving more people access to a resource that will help them show up on their front foot.
And yes, if you listen closely you’ll catch me fumbling “tenterhooks” into “tinter hooks.” My bad. Let’s call it an easter egg for those paying attention. 😉
Two takeaways for founders and leaders:
Stop opening with a shrug. I once joked my listeners were mostly friends and family. Sue called it out. She was right. Self-deprecation might feel safe, but it sets the wrong frame. Lead with the reality you want to create and the value you actually deliver.
Replace autopilot with choice. Conscious leadership isn’t about becoming soft. It’s about catching the moment before you react and picking a better move. You can be direct without being careless. You can push without leaving bruises. The best feedback is specific and grounded in care.
If you’re in a moment that feels like an ending, ask a better question: What would it look like to choose myself here, even on the margins? Charge for the coffee. Block the time. Ship the page. Tell the fuller story. Then measure what happens to your energy and results.
That’s how you get from a Sunday email to a life that fits.
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